A woman who prays
Thanks to Rabbi Gil Student for linking to “Communing while Commuting, a Jerusalem Post article by Viva Hammer. Here's an excerpt:
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“The sages set up an impossible ideal for prayer: that we utter the words with kavana – purpose, mindfulness. . . .“
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“The Talmud concedes that daveners who cannot achieve kavana should still mouth the words. Such prayer is second-best; but second is my best. Every day I gallop through the familiar tropes the way I tussle with the other routines in my life, reassured by their steadfastness. I have done so hanging on to metal poles or pinioned by the throng of passengers in subways, in telephone booths as the sun sets and cowering in the library of my Jewish school, afraid of being discovered as a girl who prayed."
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Boy, does that ever sound familiar, quoth one of the world’s slowest and most easily distracted davveners/pray-ers—it’s a struggle for me to keep up with the cantor and congregation, and to davven in the subway.
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But this was the part that stuck:
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“ . . . cowering in the library of my Jewish school, afraid of being discovered as a girl who prayed.”
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As I mentioned in Positive & negative, etc: Jewish women's observance, “I am reminded of a discussion I had with yet another Orthodox co-worker a few years ago. I mentioned to her, with some pride, that I'd finally learned to say the short (not the longer Monday and Thursday) Tachanun. Instead of congratulating me on my learning, she sniffed, "Women don't say Tachanun."
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Is it just me, or is/was there a stigma attached to Orthodox women who pray(ed) a standard service (as opposed to saying personal prayers and/or Tehillim/Psalms)? I haven’t encountered this as a problem specific to women in the Conservative Movement, though it could be argued that, in general, not enough Conservative Jews pray the daily services on a regular basis.
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See also:
Different perspectives, different priorities
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P.S. I think she's got, by George: When copying from Word, I must (a) make sure that the entire post is formatted in Georgia 12 font, and (b) use those functioning paragraph marks whenever necessary.
posted by Shira Salamone at 4:36 PM
16 Comments:
Women are required to daven at least twice a day. The "frowning upon" is sociological. My Boro Park MIL and all my frum female relatives to my knowledge, daven the standard liturgy at least twice a day (my MIL 3x a day to my knowledge). The kollel rebbetzin here also davens b'zman. Even at my wedding and sheva brachot, my havrusa and a kollel rebbetzin called upon all the women to daven mincha...in fact when the women didn't daven maariv and hung around chatting, my YU rabbi friends complained...
The Rambam would say that muttering tehillim as superstition is like avoda zara...
Oh, and I recite tachanun when I have the time to. (among the frum women in my family, I'm the most MOdox and ashamedly, probably the least machmir in my davening)
"Women are required to daven at least twice a day. The "frowning upon" is sociological."
Then I hope that Ms. Hammer's feeling that she had to hide the fact that she was a female who prayed is something that women do not experience anymore.
"I recite tachanun when I have the time to." I generally try to say Tachanun during either Shacharit (Morning Service) or Minchah (Afternoon Service), but, to be honest, I'm not comfortable with the constant begging for forgiveness, so I refuse to say it more than once a day. I seem to recollect that a commenter to a previous post of mine concerning Tachanun said that Tachanun is not halachically required.
I believe that Sephardic poskim rule that women do not say tachanun.
The Ashkenazik opinion is that they can, but don't have to.
Don't quote me on this as I'm no expert, but this is my recollection.
"The Rambam would say that muttering tehillim as superstition is like avoda zara..."
I sometimes have trouble determining what constitutes prayer and what constitutes "muttering . . . as superstition." That's why I'm not comfortable with the prayer that we say before reciting Tehillim in the office Tehillim Group, of which I'm copying an excerpt [in the ArtScroll Tehillim's translation] below. Does this constitute prayer or superstition?
"May the merit of the verses of the psalms stand in our favor--together with the merit of their words and their letters and their vowels and their cantillation, and together with the Holy Names that are formed from the initial letters and final letters--may the merit of all these bring an atonement for our transgressions, iniquities and sins; cut down ruthless men, and slash away all the thorns and briars which surround the Celectial Rose; cause the Bride of Youth to unite with Her Beloved in love, brotherhood and companionship. And from that unification may an abundant blessing be drawn to our spirit, breath and soul, to purify us of our iniquities, to forgive our sins and to atone for our tansgressions . . ."
"I believe that Sephardic poskim rule that women do not say tachanun.
The Ashkenazik opinion is that they can, but don't have to."
If true, that's ironic, as I'm pretty sure that the woman who told me that women don't say Tachanun is Ashkenazi.
Shira,
Most people are surprisingly ignorant. Despite years of Jewish education, little seems to be transmitted. Lots of cute stories that are appropriate ways to introduce Judaism to children are retained, but far little nuance is transmitted.
Somethings are black and white, others are not.
Similarly, for time bound Mitzvot that women are excempt, Ashkenazi custom is that when doing so, women make the Bracha, because they are performing a commanded Mitzvah, while Sephardix custom is that women do not make the Bracha, since they are not commanded to do so.
I find the Ashkenazi custom more personally satisfying, and the Sephardic one more intellectually (and gramatically) reasonable.
"I find the Ashkenazi custom more personally satisfying, and the Sephardic one more intellectually (and gramatically) reasonable."
Agreed. Though the Sefardi version is more logical, if I'm going to eat pizza just about every night of Chol HaMoed Sukkot just so I can eat in the pizzeria's Sukkah, I want full credit for my effort!
1. Tehillim as avoda zara--I guess when it is done without comprehension, with intent to twist God's arm. According to the Rambam, one who places tefillin on a wound or whispers words of scripture over a sick person to make the person gets better is guilty of superstition. One reason why I always was irritated at people muttering tehillim all the way to the huppah ;). As for the yehi ratzon before tehillim, I don't say it, my husband does not say it, and an orthodox minyan that I used to frequent did not say it during their tehillim recitation during Elul. Personally I prefer to garner merit through *learning* tehillim...learning the words, structure and mefarshim is quite rewarding. And even the Rambam said in Moreh Nevuchim that women should know Bible...
2. Need to dig out the ref from B. Brachot, but one of the amoraim had not-so-nice things to say about people who skip tachanun. No mention of men and women here.
3. "Sephardim" are not a monolith. Turkish, French and other Sephardim differ in practice. I am Sephardi and my rav never told me to skip any of the brachot before the shema, or tachanun (although I know that some Sephardi women skip the brachot before the shema according to minhag). He also knows that I daven nusach ashkenaz and has no problem with that. So the term "Sephardic poskim" is not correct (somewhat like "chazal" neglects the fact that there were many rabbis who disagreed with each other many times).
4. When I asked my rav about making a bracha on time bound mitzvot like sukkah, he told me that I was encouraged to, though I need not if I don't feel comfortable about it (I don't).
1. "As for the yehi ratzon before tehillim, I don't say it, my husband does not say it, and an orthodox minyan that I used to frequent did not say it during their tehillim recitation during Elul." I only say it because our Tehillim Group does, so I learned it by hearing it several times a week. To be honest, it only occurred to me recently to read the translation. Oy. I think I'd have preferred remaining ignorant, in this case.
"Personally I prefer to garner merit through *learning* tehillim...learning the words, structure and mefarshim is quite rewarding." Wow, I'd certainly prefer studying tehillim to mumbling through them, or reading the translation while the leader reads the original, at the speed of light. But our fearless leader is very into the recitation approach, and there's also the problem that we have very limited time (only about 15 minutes).
2. "one of the amoraim had not-so-nice things to say about people who skip tachanun." I guess I wouldn't be very popular with him.
3. "3. "Sephardim" are not a monolith." Oy. That should be obvious, since "Ashkenazim" are not a monolith either. I've heard that there are some liturgical variations between "Western" Sefardim (which seems to refer to those who ended up in the Netherlands and Britain after the Expulsion) and "Eastern" Sefardim, and I assume that there's considerable variation in Sefardi music (religious and secular) from different areas. Beyond that, I know almost nothing. Among Ashkenazim, there are different liturgical variations (Nusach Ashkenaz or that half-and-half nusach, the so-called Nusach Sfard), different opinions on how long one must wait to eat dairy after eating meat (Russia--6 hours, Netherlands--3 hours, or so I've heard), and on whether gefilte fish should be sweet or savory. :)
"some Sephardi women skip the brachot before the shema according to minhag" What's a woman's obligation in reciting Sh'ma--none, not at a specific time, morning at some point after waking up and evening before bedtime, morning with prayers and evening before bedtime, or some other possibility that escapes me? It seems to me that, if woman are obligated to recite Sh'ma as part of Shacharit/Morning Service, we should be obligated to recite the accompanying b'rachot/blessings, as well.
"He also knows that I daven nusach ashkenaz and has no problem with that." Interesting. How did you end up being S'faradit and davvening Nusach Ashkenaz? (Not to mention how did you end up being S'faradit and using the Yiddish term "davven"? :) )
4. When I asked my rav about making a bracha on time bound mitzvot like sukkah, he told me that I was encouraged to, though I need not if I don't feel comfortable about it (I don't)." Well, as long as you have halachic leeway, that shouldn't be a problem. Personally, I have the exact opposite approach--if I'm going to accept upon myself the obligation to perform a mitzvah, I would feel odd *not* saying the b'rachah.
1. My erudite spouse looked up tachanun in the mishna berura and orach chayim. He says that there is no mention of gendered differences there.
2. I think the difference between us is that I did *not* take on the obligation of lulav, sukkah and things like that ;).
3. I didn't grow up in a Sephardi community and I learned to daven in ashkenazi nusach...one is yotzei either way, since I live the rest of my life according to Sephardi-ism (or my rav's interpretation when I ask questions...). As for WHY the yiddishims, the nearest beit knesset to my home is Ashkenazi as are most of my friends in the USA. Our kitchen is also Ashkenazi. But no gefilte fish please. ;)
4. On your question about brachot before the shema, women are not obligated to say the shema (somewhere in Mishna Berachot Ch 4). The same mishna obligates women in bentsching and tefillah (which are not time bound).
Oops, correction to my previous comment first: . . . different opinions [among Ashkenazim] on how long one must wait to eat dairy after eating meat (Russia--6 hours, [corrections> *Germany*--3 hours, Netherlands--*1 hour*], or so I've heard). . .
Okay, now on to RivkaYael's response:
1. Oy, Tachanun. I'm out of luck, I suppose.
2. Ah, that makes sense. It's an interesting question whether one should say "asher kid'shanu/who has commanded us" if one holds the opinion that one is not commanded, and women are technically not commanded.
3. Okay, you get a pass on Nusach Ashkenaz and using Yiddish, and I'll remember not to serve you gefilte fish. :)
4. "4. On your question about brachot before the shema, women are not obligated to say the shema (somewhere in Mishna Berachot Ch 4)." From my perspective, that seems a shame, given the centrality of the Sh'ma as an expression of Jewish theology and history.
"The same mishna obligates women in bentsching and tefillah (which are not time bound)."
Does that mishna use the word "tefillah" in a general sense, as prayer in any form, or in the specific sense, as the Amidah prayer? Does a woman fulfil her obligation in tefillah by reciting Tehillim/Psalms and/or personal prayers?
Semi-related question: Why on earth are women (according to some opinions?) not permitted to read Megillat Esther for men even though women are obligated to read Megillat Esther? For that matter, why are women not permitted to lead Birkat HaMazon/Bentching/Grace after Meals when there are at least three men present even though the mishna itself says that women are obligated to benstch? If the reason given for women not being permitted to lead or read is that women are not obligated for time-bound prayer and/or study, then why on earth are women not allowed to lead even those prayers or readings for which we *are* obligated?
I'm going to avoid any mention of anything that involves kevod hatzibbur because I'm not too sure what it means and I'm not sure I agree :) :).
1. I am not sure whether it is clear whether women are NOT allowed to read megillah (or even haftarah) for men (definitely allowed to read for other women).
2. Gemara in brachot says that women can lead a zimmun of women, and men can only lead a zimmun of men. So as to avoid mixed dancing.
3. The d'oraita obligation (according to the Rambam if I recall correctly) is that prayer should include praise, thanksgiving and request for things. D'rabbanan, "tefillah" refers to the amidah. Men and women are obligated on the same level for shacharit and mincha, because prayer is a request for mercy (Ramban).
Kavod ha-tzibbur/the honor of the congregation--which, as I understand it, means that even those actions that may be permissible may cast the congregation in a bad light--is *not* my favorite topic. It seems to be applied mostly to the exclusion of women from certain actions that would otherwise be permissible. So yeah, let's not talk about that one.
1. It probably depends on who you ask.
2. "So as to avoid mixed dancing."
:)
3. So whether or not a woman is considered obligated to recite the Amidah of Shacharit and Minchah depends on whether she and/or her rabbi accepts the d'oraita interpretation or the d'rabbanan interpretation? Pardon my confusion.
No--we are obligated in mitzvot d'rabbanan and d'oraita. So we don't distinguish and there's almost a consensus that one (both men and women) is obligated to daven shacharit and mincha, reciting the shemonei esrei. If one does not have time, and thanks God, praises Him and asks for something (maybe even by reciting tehillim), one has fulfilled their obligation on the biblical but not rabbinic level. (although there might be a machloket on this and I welcome sources that state otherwise)
Just like sanctifying Shabbat--no mention of kiddush in the Torah, but rabbinically we fulfill the mitzvah of sanctifying Shabbat by reciting kiddush over wine or grape juice. Or hearing shofar--again, the Torah does not state how one fulfills one's obligation, but the gemara goes into great detail on how it should be fulfilled on the rabbinic level (type of shofar, order and length of blasts, etc).
RivkaYael, thanks for the clarification.
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